The Situation: flexed a lot, talked a lot of game and got... nothing.
Pauly D: Ditto.
Ronnie: Got blitzed, made out with a LOT of grenades in the club, and generally did what he could to make Sammi "feel what he felt" -- apparently, disgust, embarassment and pity.
J Woww: Got psyched up to kick Angelina's ass.
Snooki: Not much. Only good moment was near-orgasmic reaction to fried pickles.
Angelina: Hit on the guys, pissed off the women. A strong return.
Sammi: Whined. A lot.
Vinnie: As always, nothing.
1:00 - Of course, this being MTV, the 1st minute was all recap
3:00 - What's the perfect capper to a drunken night of making out with the skanks at the club? Crawling into bed with your ex.
5:00 - "I had a Snooki night" Haven't we all? But it leads to a new nickname -- IFF (I'm Fucked Foundation -- he's a client and the president!)
7:30 - "I'm never drinking like that again." I assume he means at that particular club, though maybe he means he's switching from Patron to Herradura.
9:30 - The guys wearing matching black wifebeaters reminds me of Jogi Löw, the German soccer coach.
11:30 - What a surprise. Angelina thinks someone else should be single. I'm just amazed we've made it a full episode and a half without a cock block from her.
13:00 - Snooki dumps the chicken for dinner on the floor. Snooki's thoughts:
- I don't want to clean this up
- I just fucked up dinner
- WTF am I going to eat?
- I'm amazed she had 3 thoughts.
- It might be part of a script, though.
- JFC, she's an idiot.
14:00 - "I'm teaching you to be a woman" Not what I expected to hear from Vinnie to Snooki.
16:00 - A riveting ethical debate between the guys on whether or not Sammi was justified in snooping through Ronnie's address book. The consensus: he should've been prepared for this and hidden his ex's info.
17:30 - The Situation tries to order pizza for "The Situation". They're not buying it. Seems staged.
18:45 - Angelina's non-stop parade of callers is interrupting the gang's busy day of doing nothing. This is just a prelude to...
20:00 - "You don't know me!" "I don't wanna know you!" This exchanges leads to a dramatic chord reminiscent of the death of the good guy's buddy in every Michael Bay movie. Forget TNT. MTV knows DRAMA*!
21:00 The guys, meanwhile, are watching in hopes of a catfight. Who can blame them?
21:40 - The friends of J-Woww's that Angelina ran her mouth to?
- J-420
- Joey Yanks
- Bill**
22:00 - "You want pretzels? I ain't got no popcorn, but I got pretzels." It's kind of scary that this would also be my reaction to this, um, situation. Dammit.
24:00 - "You should work on a Grenade-free America!" Definitely a rehearsed line.
26:00 - "My weakness is that I love you so fing much. And that's my downfall." Well, at least he's not melodramatic. But this "let's work on things" crap is not what I signed up for. This episode needs more booze.
29:00 - WORK! They're working in a gelato shop, and everyone seems less than thrilled. I think there are two reasons: 1) they hate working and 2) Their boss is actually Italian, not an Italian-American stereotype. It would be like me interning for a writer who's actually funny.
31:00 - "I'll always be here for you. Even if we hate each other." Funny, I'm pretty sure I wrote this in an email to an ex not too long ago. But the pain of his 4-hour (!) tattoo session is probably equal to what I'm feeling during their sappy session afterward.
33:00 - I'm going to start wearing a wifebeater before I put on my going-out t-shirt. The shirt-before-the-shirt, you know? I may even put one on while I blog.
35:30 - We have our first attempted Angelina cock block! Followed by an "I love you!" to Pauly.
37:30 - Pauly reminds us of the best part of Angelina's moral outrage at him hitting on a married woman -- she was dating a married man in Season 1.
38:45 - What does Situation do throughout the whole Angelina-Pauly argument? Keep making food. I like it.
So, it's been two episodes and the closest we've come to a fight is Angelina slapping Pauly D. WTF? Did fame and money mellow out the gang? Odds for potential upcoming fights:
Ronnie vs Situation - 7:1 - This was a favorite after Episode 1, but the men seem like they want to enjoy the drama, not get involved.
Sammi vs Angelina - 2:1 - Sammi's going to need to smack someone around since she's smart enough*** to know not to punch Ronnie.
Snooki vs Angelina - 1:1 - Snooki's clearly not using 'roids, but worth keeping an eye on this one.
J-Woww vs Angelina - 1:4 - Definitely the favorite, since J-Woww's more psyched about this fight than Tyson was about McNeely.
Ronnie vs Random Stranger - Off the board - Not even lame-ass-bookie Mike the Phony will take this bet.
* Which reminds me -- we're probably going to see these guys on Entourage, aren't we?
** Probably a fake name.
*** I never thought I'd type that.
1 comment:
I feel the need for a rape shower after reading these.
Post a Comment