Alright! I've replaced my shirt-before-the-shirt with my official Jersey Shore wifebeater*, and it's time! A quick recap:
Everyone's favorite guidos and guidettes are in Miami for the winter, because "you can't creep [in cold weather]". Not surprisingly, they've dealt with the change in location by drinking even more than usual. And (thanks to the Onion AV Club for this insight) Ronnie is apparently on coke. Woo hoo!
2:00 - In case you forgot about the slaps, we get a replay. Angelina claims "Jenni, I had nothing to do with this." Except, of course, the slapping.
3:00 - Angelina sticks with her story of not slapping Pauly and not caring what the guys do (while pronouncing the word "deyusional"). This is a bold move, since there's no video footage to prove her wr... wait, that doesn't seem right.
3:15 - Pauly D, M.D., diagnoses Angelina's denial as "Bipolar. I never seen that before -- I think that's a problem."
4:00 - Work time! Jenni is bummed because the black t-shirt "suffocates my girls. Let my girls breathe!" I have to agree with her on this.
6:00 - I like this strategy of "I don't remember anything from last night. What did I do?" and then acting shocked at the story. I may try this at work after a bad project.
7:30 - Angelina wants a get-out-of-jail-free card. Which is fair, since she's such a forgiving, happy person.
8:45 - "I have thick, thick Sicilian hair. And the only thing I can do with it is get a tape-up and a fade. And if I don't have that, it's like saying, 'you have to go out without putting gel in your hair.'" Noooooooooo! Someone get this kid a tape-up and a fade**!
10:00 - "I had to come to the 'hood to get a good haircut." They don't have clippers on South Beach?
11:00 - A brilliant move by The Situation to con the women into taking Angelina off his hands by making them about how little fun it will be if they don't.
12:30 - Vinnie and Snooki share a moment before Jenni gives the girls some air. So much air that Vinnie says "Albert Einstein should comeback and rewrite his laws of physics around Jenni's [bleep]***
15:00 - In the previous episode, they sold Ronnie as just hammered. But clearly he's visiting the powder room. HBO needs to show "The Real Jersey Shore" where the housemates openly talk about Ronnie's snorting.
17:45 - Ronnie claims he never crossed the line. Snorted it, sure. But crossed it? No. I assume his line is "sex on the dance floor."
20:45 - If you're dating Snooki, I'm betting the drunk, hiccup-y phone calls at 6am are not a surprise.
24:30 - "That's a true pig right there. No offense to Ronnie." Why would he be offended by being called a true pig?
26:00 - Aaaaaannnndddd they're back. Is every episode going to have the 1st half Ronnie hookup, are they broken up followed by the mid-episode realization that he loves Sammi?
29:30 - The plan to run away from Angelina would be more believable if there weren't cameras following both groups.
32:30 - So, you've hooked up with the guys from the Jersey Shore, your bra insert falls out and you STILL sign the waiver so your face isn't blurkled? What kind of idiot are you?
34:00 - I'm thinking the free pub for your gelato shop might not be worth one of your employees announcing that she's going commando at work.
38:00 - Surprise! Ronnie is going to pass on the night in with Sammi (who he loves, remember) to go out with the guys.
39:30 - How could he not love Sammi, what with her testing him by telling him to go out? Guys LOVE that!
40:00 - The cliffhanger? J-Woww & Snooki are debating whether to tell Sammi about Ronnie being a coke-headed douche. Because, you know, it makes them look bad when he acts like that. I guess they didn't get the DVD of the 1st season.
So, how was the episode? I have to give it a C. The whole scene with the women in the hot tub seemed staged, especially since the guys have clearly been hooking up with hotter women. I'm thinking they were encouraged to bring home some women for just this, er, Situation.
* Motto: You can't help being dumb, but you don't have to look stupid.
** What the hell's a "tape up and fade"?
*** Really? MTV can't say "tits"? How fing insane is the FCC?
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