Acceptable Facebook status updates:
is surrounded by a privacy circle of English-trained butlers
is the Jackie O of our time
's health insurance will remain in effect... until the end of this sentence
once saw Mr. T in a Pizza Hut
's job like Top Gun, but with a lot more volleyball
doesn't like his life stuff mixing with his dude stuff*
is on a Sadness Scavenger Hunt
needs to know where this relationship is going and can feel you resisting it**
has retreated to his den, where he is drinking scotch and playing Snood
would rather teach his cat to dial 911
misses rubbing his foot back into the shape of a foot
is a ragazzi robusti
Inappropriate Facebook status updates:
is a huge hit with both Anglophiles and pedophiles
is Business Slut
needs the bathroom to smell like sandalwood before I wreck it
takes people and turns them into amounts of money
is all booked for "JackFest"
doesn't like his life stuff mixing with his dude stuff***
needs to know where this relationship is going and can feel you resisting it***
wants grown-up love
made love to his wife, and since she was still asleep, he didn't have to be gentle
is her pube shirt
* For straight women, gay men, and dude ranch owners/employees
** For pathetic losers and passive-aggressives who want to break up
*** For everyone else
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